By Tobes
Boredom is a common occurrence if you're living most your life like there's no tomorrow. When you realise that tomorrow keeps coming, the ordinariness of each day may become rather irritating. If this happens, try some of these...
Find a random house, introduce yourself to the occupants and say
you’ll be living next door Set up a mattress and sleep on their driveway Get up very early and collect all the newspapers from people’s front
yards. Hide behind a tree on your lawn, and when your newspaper is
delivered, throw all the collected newspapers back at the delivery
person, screaming, “You have no idea what its like..!!!” Swap street numbers over. Attach some to wheelie bins. Using large orange cones, divert traffic over your neighbour’s lawn.
If they have flowers, ensure divertage occurs on top of them. Invite people over for coffee. Ensure you are never there when they
arrive. Invite yourself over to their place for coffee. When you get there,
say you don’t drink coffee, and leave. Send people apple puree in the mail. Conduct a doorstop challenge, and forget what the product is. While
they are preoccupied, have people invert their washing line, and hang
their clothes on the grass. Lock yourself in the freezer of a convenience store. When someone
opens the door, jump out and claim to be ‘Encino Man’. When they looked puzzled, remove whatever is in their trolley/basket
and go and buy it. Walk out with the products, and point to the person,
saying “They’ll pay for it.” Organise home-delivery of a grape.When it arrives, complain it wasn’t the grape you bought, and demand
a refund. After repeating this six times, step on the grape and cry loudly. Ring up random numbers and tell people they have won $5,500 Panasonic
Home Theatre Packages. Refer them to the nearest electrical store, and
tell them to ask for Sandy. Ring up the store, and ask for Sandy. If anyone called Sandy actually
works there, pause, then laugh raucously at them. Ring up Pizza Hut, and put them on hold. Take them off hold after half
an hour, and confirm the delivery of 10,000 chapsticks. Sob when they
say they don’t want them. Go to the same Pizza Hut, and ask if they sell
chapsticks. Confiscate people’s mailboxes, and have them pay a fee to be
returned. Mow swear words into your neighbour’s cat. Deliberately trip over on pedestrian crossings. Go to a used car yard and take a car for a test drive. Park it 100
metres down the road. Repeat, and line all the used cars up along a
street. Stare blankly at cashiers when paying for things. Twitch. Ask them not
to print a receipt to save paper. When they do, slap them. Go to an ATM. Withdraw some money, then scream, “I’ve won!!”
holding up the money you’ve withdrawn. Visit a garden centre, and ask for garden gnomes. Pronounce the
‘g’ in gnome. Order them all and request them to be packaged in
bubblewrap. While they are being packaged, run away. Use a wheelchair to approach a set of traffic lights. When it is safe
to walk, stand up and fold up the wheelchair, carrying it across the
road. When you reach the other side, open it, and sit back down. Bowl lettuces down supermarket aisles. Argue with frozen chickens. Ask, “Is the milk Helga’s?” Build large cement mounds in shopping centre car parks. When people aren’t looking, add random, expensive things to their
trolleys. Alternatively, add packets of condoms to the trolleys of
senior citizens. Hand out blank sheets of paper. Lean out the car window and yell “DYKE!” at unsuspecting persons.
Substitute dyke with the words lesbian and hooker. Announce you can see an image of Jesus in your dinner. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
body." Play “Rock, Paper Scissors” against yourself with both hands. Cry
when you lose. Refuse to pay for shopping on the grounds that it conflicts with
religious beliefs. Go into a bakery and demand some of the bread that when broken can
feed millions. When they say they don’t have it, order it again. Accidentally cough on entire sections of taste-testing foods.
Apologise, and take it all. Do exams in green highlighter. When you are caught out, cry. Use a
different colour highlighter on the next copy. Eat your exam paper before the exam begins. Complain about
indigestion. Sniffle during guest speaker talks. Start bashing your head on the
chair and gnashing your teeth loudly. Foam. While driving, flash your lights and beep your horn so that the person
in front pulls over. When driving past them, throw a pineapple through
their window and scream. Go to a supermarket and put at least two hundred dollars worth of
products through the checkout. Write out individual cheques for $5.00 to
make up the total cost. Bring your pets into the supermarket to choose their food. Ask them
which brands they prefer. Put random things into supermarket freezers. Come back two hours
later, and take them to the checkout and buy them. Watch the reactions
of cashiers. Cement people’s front doors shut. At night, use a saw to cut people’s mailboxes nearly in half, to the
point where they are just about to break. Get photo evidence as the mail
is delivered and the postman breaks the mailbox. When you go through
Drive-Thru’s, tell the attendant you’d like to
eat in. Park across three
carparks. Do surveys, and ask people their gender. Walk next to people. Stand in their way when they try to get past.
Cough on them if they manage to get past. Stand in a phonebox for two hours. Cement up the doors of
phoneboxes. Set up a complimentary hair drying service in public places. Put flour
into the hairdryer before drying someone’s hair. Object at weddings. When you are asked why, shrug, and begin eating
the wedding cake with your hands. Call yourself over intercoms repeatedly. Bring completely irrelevant things to the attention of store managers. Return newspapers to newsagents, with your own written commentary of
the stories. Stop at green lights. Stop at red lights. When the light turns orange, speed off, honking your horn and
swearing. Wave at people you don’t know. If they don’t wave, slam on the
brakes and begin reversing. Wind down the window and throw a banana at
them. Turn your car off at intersections. Drive in first gear everywhere. With your window up, pull alongside someone and begin mouthing swear
words and pointing at them. When they are looking at you, glance to the
front, and form a horrified look. Point in front of their car. Replace your antenna with a
coathanger. Hang clothes on it. Deliberately box people into car parks. Send sandwiches in the mail. Fill up your car with helium balloons and open all the doors at an
intersection. Put the Titanic theme song on your car stereo. Scream, “I’ll never
let go!!” at people intermittently. Eat whole watermelons while driving. Spit the seeds at passing cars. Reverse out of
carparks. Attempt to drive for as far as you possibly
can in reverse. Sit at intersections and bash your head on the steering wheel,
ensuring you press the horn. Buy 2 cents worth of petrol every time. Repeat until you have
accumulated $20 worth. Go through the drive thru and order a straw. Proceed to the next
window, and collect the order of the person behind you. Beep and laugh
raucously. Throw the food out the window in view of everyone. Go to a supermarket, buy lots of groceries, and put them through the
checkout. As the cashier is scanning them, walk away. Order a sundae at McDonalds. Using the spoon, apply the sundae to the
entire table you are sitting at. Look disgusted and walk out when staff
come over. Using as much force as possible, throw videos through return chutes.
Repeat until breakage occurs.Be amused.
© 2003 JimSoft