JimSoft Insanitarium -> Living the Lunacy -> Going To The Movies
By Tobes

The Cinema is a great place to exhibit your whacked out ways. Especially if you manage to get locked in overnight. If you can't manage that, the following will help you out during daylight hours.

Find a random house, introduce yourself to the occupants and say you’ll be living next door
Set up a mattress and sleep on their driveway
Get up very early and collect all the newspapers from people’s front yards. Hide behind a tree on your lawn, and when your newspaper is delivered, throw all the collected newspapers back at the delivery person, screaming, “You have no idea what its like..!!!”
Swap street numbers over. Attach some to wheelie bins.
Using large orange cones, divert traffic over your neighbour’s lawn. If they have flowers, ensure divertage occurs on top of them.
Invite people over for coffee. Ensure you are never there when they arrive.
Invite yourself over to their place for coffee. When you get there, say you don’t drink coffee, and leave.
Send people apple puree in the mail.
Conduct a doorstop challenge, and forget what the product is. While they are preoccupied, have people invert their washing line, and hang their clothes on the grass.
Lock yourself in the freezer of a convenience store. When someone opens the door, jump out and claim to be ‘Encino Man’.
When they looked puzzled, remove whatever is in their trolley/basket and go and buy it. Walk out with the products, and point to the person, saying “They’ll pay for it.”
Organise home-delivery of a grape.
When it arrives, complain it wasn’t the grape you bought, and demand a refund.
After repeating this six times, step on the grape and cry loudly.
Ring up random numbers and tell people they have won $5,500 Panasonic Home Theatre Packages. Refer them to the nearest electrical store, and tell them to ask for Sandy.
Ring up the store, and ask for Sandy. If anyone called Sandy actually works there, pause, then laugh raucously at them.
Ring up Pizza Hut, and put them on hold. Take them off hold after half an hour, and confirm the delivery of 10,000 chapsticks. Sob when they say they don’t want them.
Go to the same Pizza Hut, and ask if they sell chapsticks.
Confiscate people’s mailboxes, and have them pay a fee to be returned.
Mow swear words into your neighbour’s cat.
Deliberately trip over on pedestrian crossings.
Go to a used car yard and take a car for a test drive. Park it 100 metres down the road. Repeat, and line all the used cars up along a street.
Stare blankly at cashiers when paying for things. Twitch. Ask them not to print a receipt to save paper. When they do, slap them.
Go to an ATM. Withdraw some money, then scream, “I’ve won!!” holding up the money you’ve withdrawn.
Visit a garden centre, and ask for garden gnomes. Pronounce the ‘g’ in gnome. Order them all and request them to be packaged in bubblewrap. While they are being packaged, run away.
Use a wheelchair to approach a set of traffic lights. When it is safe to walk, stand up and fold up the wheelchair, carrying it across the road. When you reach the other side, open it, and sit back down.
Bowl lettuces down supermarket aisles.
Argue with frozen chickens.
Ask, “Is the milk Helga’s?”
Build large cement mounds in shopping centre car parks.
When people aren’t looking, add random, expensive things to their trolleys. Alternatively, add packets of condoms to the trolleys of senior citizens.
Hand out blank sheets of paper.
Lean out the car window and yell “DYKE!” at unsuspecting persons. Substitute dyke with the words lesbian and hooker.
Announce you can see an image of Jesus in your dinner.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Play “Rock, Paper Scissors” against yourself with both hands. Cry when you lose.
Refuse to pay for shopping on the grounds that it conflicts with religious beliefs.
Go into a bakery and demand some of the bread that when broken can feed millions. When they say they don’t have it, order it again.
Accidentally cough on entire sections of taste-testing foods. Apologise, and take it all.
Do exams in green highlighter. When you are caught out, cry. Use a different colour highlighter on the next copy.
Eat your exam paper before the exam begins. Complain about indigestion.
Sniffle during guest speaker talks. Start bashing your head on the chair and gnashing your teeth loudly. Foam.
While driving, flash your lights and beep your horn so that the person in front pulls over. When driving past them, throw a pineapple through their window and scream.
Go to a supermarket and put at least two hundred dollars worth of products through the checkout. Write out individual cheques for $5.00 to make up the total cost.
Bring your pets into the supermarket to choose their food. Ask them which brands they prefer.
Put random things into supermarket freezers. Come back two hours later, and take them to the checkout and buy them. Watch the reactions of cashiers.
Cement people’s front doors shut.
At night, use a saw to cut people’s mailboxes nearly in half, to the point where they are just about to break. Get photo evidence as the mail is delivered and the postman breaks the mailbox.
When you go through Drive-Thru’s, tell the attendant you’d like to eat in.
Park across three carparks.
Do surveys, and ask people their gender.
Walk next to people. Stand in their way when they try to get past. Cough on them if they manage to get past.
Stand in a phonebox for two hours.
Cement up the doors of phoneboxes.
Set up a complimentary hair drying service in public places. Put flour into the hairdryer before drying someone’s hair.
Object at weddings. When you are asked why, shrug, and begin eating the wedding cake with your hands.
Call yourself over intercoms repeatedly.
Bring completely irrelevant things to the attention of store managers.
Return newspapers to newsagents, with your own written commentary of the stories.
Stop at green lights.
Stop at red lights.
When the light turns orange, speed off, honking your horn and swearing.
Wave at people you don’t know. If they don’t wave, slam on the brakes and begin reversing. Wind down the window and throw a banana at them.
Turn your car off at intersections.
Drive in first gear everywhere.
With your window up, pull alongside someone and begin mouthing swear words and pointing at them. When they are looking at you, glance to the front, and form a horrified look. Point in front of their car.
Replace your antenna with a coathanger. Hang clothes on it.
Deliberately box people into car parks.
Send sandwiches in the mail.
Fill up your car with helium balloons and open all the doors at an intersection.
Put the Titanic theme song on your car stereo. Scream, “I’ll never let go!!” at people intermittently.
Eat whole watermelons while driving. Spit the seeds at passing cars.
Reverse out of carparks. Attempt to drive for as far as you possibly can in reverse.
Sit at intersections and bash your head on the steering wheel, ensuring you press the horn.
Buy 2 cents worth of petrol every time. Repeat until you have accumulated $20 worth.
Go through the drive thru and order a straw. Proceed to the next window, and collect the order of the person behind you. Beep and laugh raucously. Throw the food out the window in view of everyone.
Go to a supermarket, buy lots of groceries, and put them through the checkout. As the cashier is scanning them, walk away.
Order a sundae at McDonalds. Using the spoon, apply the sundae to the entire table you are sitting at. Look disgusted and walk out when staff come over.
Using as much force as possible, throw videos through return chutes. Repeat until breakage occurs.

© 2003 JimSoft