JimSoft Insanitarium -> Living the Lunacy -> Living In The Moment
By CrazyJim

Making the most of each passing day is very important if you want to live like a lunatic. Make sure you have no care for your future when you attempt these.

Staple scraps of newspaper to doorknobs.
Collect samples of people's facial hair.
Ask old women for samples of their facial hair.
Take someone water-skiing. Attach their rope to a car. When the car takes off, leave in the boat.
Pummel sewage into people’s nostrils.
Count, “I have said sausage one time, I have said sausage two times” and so on.
Point and laugh as people walk out of stores.
Create precariously high stacks of cutlery outside lingerie shops.
Wear glasses on the back of your head.
Create infinitely cycling sentences such as, “I now proclaim that I now proclaim that I now proclaim” and so on until you get bored, at which point, run screaming “Sixty-four!”
Refer to people using the names of your favourite cartoon characters.
Stick post-it notes on people with insults toward the people reading them.
Create a sign reading “Don’t put your face in this bucket.” Find a bucket. Fill the bucket with prawns. Set the bucket up in a public place. Hang the sign above or near the bucket. Stand back. Put your face in the bucket.
Run around with a video camera and film people saying things. Create half an hour of sentences you have constructed from taping miniscule clips of speech. Do this for a school project.
Indicate left and turn right.
Attach people’s garden hoses to their exhaust pipe.
Declare yourself legally blonde.
Declare other people legally blonde.
Have blondes arrested for being illegally blonde.
Run around shouting “Bondage!” at people.
Dress up as Cinderella.
Sing pop songs backwards.
Perform impersonations of yourself.
Listen in on conversations. When somebody says something out of line, butt in and laugh at them.
Walk up to people with a hand-held video camera in their face. Ask them personal questions. When you’re done, shout “Hahaha! You’re on Candid Camera!!”
Count backwards from ten in German, French, Italian, English, and then finally in German with an Irish accent.
Shine high-powered torches at elderly people.
Go to your best friend and inform them that their uncle has died. When they show signs of distress, yell, “Haha! Fooled you! You thought your uncle was dead!!” Walk away. Do this when their uncle dies.
Talk to people in foreign languages. When they indicate they don’t understand, laugh raucously and walk away through the nearest door and slam it.
Stand just out of range of an automatic sliding door. Stick your hand out every time the door closes.
If the power switch to an automatic door in a busy shopping centre is easily accessible, turn the door off. Film the results with a gigantic TV camera. After a while, yell at everyone, “Hahaha! You’re on Candid Camera!” and run off through the nearest door and fall unconscious.
Explain to a crowd of people that you are about to attempt a no-hands handstand. Run away.
Say to a random person, “I don’t mean to get your hopes up, but…” Lose interest and walk away.
If you know somebody whose name is Wallace or Wally, or Wal, laugh at them and call them “Wall” or “Wal Mart”.
Refer to everyone as the most irrelevant type of meat you can think of.
Declare people procrastinators. If they ask why, tell them you’ll tell them tomorrow.
Deface charity advertisements.
Put black sticky tape across people’s mouth and nose while they sleep.
Put black sticky tape across people’s mouth and nose while they’re awake.
Go to a school other than your own. Walk into classes and refuse to work.
Scream “PARTY!” after dramatic scenes in a movie.
Give every city you visit a nickname based on an animal you saw, your favourite cereal, and the name of the last person you made contact with.
Walk into a store that declares itself to be a ‘Handy Store’ or something to that effect. Cut off the hands of the person serving. Walk out. Sue the stores for misleading signs.
Create wood-carvings of paintings.
Pose as a valet outside McDonald’s.
Make loud cat sounds in people’s backyards.
Force people into small spaces and then stand back. Point and laugh at them.
Clap loudly if somebody announces they have indigestion.
If passing behind a row of swimming pool starting blocks, yell “Asshole!” for every person you pass.
Fantasise about throwing people off high ledges. If anyone asks, say “I’m just fantasising about throwing people off high ledges.”
Talk to Germans in English with an Irish accent.
Talk to Irish people in German.
Catapult sauce bottles at people’s faces.
Stick sharp things to round saw-blades. Call them ‘wheels of fortune’.
Collect urine samples in glass beakers. Stack them precariously on your back fence.
Stick a fake moustache and glasses onto a lamp post. Put an amplifier next to the post. Turn it right up. Hook up a microphone with enough cord such that you can stand at such a distance where you will not be seen by passers-by, but where you can see them. Attempt to make conversation with them. Run away if anything nearby breaks.
Staple your feet to the ground. Shout, “My feet are stapled to the ground.”
When somebody asks, “Where are you going?” reply with “Me? I’m not going anywhere.” Quickly run and jump into the nearest moving vehicle.
Re-enact the most violent scene in your favourite movie with real props. Do this especially if your favourite movie is Bambi.
Take your PC mouse for walks. Hit people you pass with it.
Go to your doctor insisting you have hypochondria.
Stick a green wig on a random person. Mug them and throw them off a cliff.
Stick a green wig on a lemming. Put it in a mug and throw the mug off a cliff.
Wear glasses; specifically wine glasses.
Clear your throat. Shout “One!” Clear your throat again. Shout “Two!” Keep going, counting upwards to sixty-nine.
Order a cheeseburger with no beef.
Reserve five hundred lettuces at a supermarket by phone. Go shopping at another supermarket.
Call every single pizza delivery service you can find in the phone book. Have everything delivered to a remote area of the nearest highway.
Erect toll-booths outside people’s houses.
Leave eggs out on your kitchen table. Some weeks later, throw them at people. Suspect foul play.
Throw a surprise party in a friend’s kitchen for your uncle.
Throw your uncle in your friend’s kitchen for a surprise party.
Throw your friend into their kitchen for a surprise party.
Throw a baseball at your friend’s window.
Invent “Llabesab”, in which the aim is to leave home and hit, with a ball, a mouse to a pitcher.
Play the chipmunk game, in which the aim is to throw rocks at chipmunks.
Refuse to disclose the rules to the “Have your best friend throw rocks at you” game.
Advertise your desk lamp as a prostitute.
Pretend to choke on an apple core. If anyone panics, scream “Apple core stuck in throat!” If nobody responds, actually choke on an apple core.

Happy hunting...

© 2003 JimSoft