JimSoft Insanitarium -> Stupid Tips -> 73 Ways To Annoy People
By CrazyJim

There are always times in our lives where we just want to annoy people. There are also times we want to take it to the extremes. Those times are very rare, and usually don't follow through, but in the case it can't be held back, here are about 73 ways to do it.

(o) Always finish your sentences with 'and stuff'
(o) Occasionally, don't finish your sentences
(o) During a conversation, start talking to inanimate objects
(o) Walk away during conversations. Make it appear as though you are following a butterfly
(o) Respond to questions with meaningless and irrelevant statements
(o) Answer questions with irrelevant questions (ie. 'Who are you?' 'What dog?')
(o) Interview door knobs
(o) Sit on your roof late at night and count stars. Lose count and start again. Buy an amplifier if necessary
(o) Practice force-laughing. When you master it, laugh during speeches
(o) Balance plates on your head at formal dinners
(o) Balance drinks on your head at McDonalds
(o) Bring sticky tape to fast food restaurants. Create large towers from fries
(o) Stand outside fast food restaurants asking people to pay for admission
(o) If you make it to the middle of an intersection only a few seconds before the traffic starts up again, walk very slowly
(o) Always say the first thing that comes to your mind
(o) When you pass a painting which isn't crooked, make it crooked
(o) Use your computer monitor upside down
(o) Sit in parks and laugh at people as they go past. When they look at you, pretend you are holding back laughter and look away
(o) Bring hand puppets everywhere you go. Ask them for advice when you are required to make a decision. Always
(o) Get into arguments with your hand puppets
(o) Knock on peoples' doors at three in the morning asking if they've seen your hand puppet because he's gone missing
(o) Do laps of the neighbourhood so that you knock on peoples' doors more than once
(o) Use doorbells wherever possible
(o) Knock on peoples' doors as soon as they close the door
(o) If the door isn't answered within two minutes, start digging up gardens
(o) If there are no gardens available, start gnawing on the doorway
(o) Rev your car at three in the morning
(o) Learn to paint. On a large piece of wood, paint a curved road. Put the painting upright in the middle of a highway
(o) While you are door knocking at three in the morning, ask people if they have old shoes they don't want. Wear these shoes down the street and stand near parked cars. Make as though you have something in your shoe and take it off. Plant it on a car which is about to take off. Run after the car and call out 'police!'
(o) Invent greetings. Greet strangers
(o) Invite people to your house for a party. Go away for the weekend
(o) While door knocking at three in the morning, carry a script for a play. Ask the person to role play with you
(o) Stand in busy doorways. Give a speech to the people who are held up
(o) Walk in and out of busy doorways
(o) Stop people in busy doorways and talk to them
(o) Build a small fort in your front yard from household items. Point torches at passing traffic, eyeing them suspiciously. If they stop, run into your house
(o) Buy a 'stop-slow' sign. Dress up in orange. Hold up traffic at school crossings on weekends
(o) Cough continuously in cinemas
(o) Complain loudly about actors' performances in live theatre
(o) Criticise school plays
(o) Buy a very long ladder. Cross highways
(o) While you are door knocking at three in the morning, take photos of people as they open their door. Explain you are conducting a survey
(o) Give strangers dirty looks
(o) Ask rhetorical questions
(o) Answer rhetorical questions
(o) Ask stupid questions
(o) Repeat questions after they've been answered
(o) Answer your own questions
(o) Ask inanimate objects questions
(o) Laugh at other people when they ask stupid questions
(o) When you master force-laughing, buy a newspaper. Turn to a page with a story about some form of tragedy and laugh at it. If anyone asks what comic you're reading, read out the headline
(o) Buy all the newspapers in a newsagency. Throw them in the bin as you leave
(o) When eating from paper plates, eat the plate when you're finished. Claim you're saving the environment
(o) Gnaw your leg in public
(o) Handcuff yourself to a flagpole. Ask people for help. If help arrives, pull the key from your pocket and unlock the handcuffs. Walk away casually
(o) If you see a shop that's just being closed, knock on the door. When the owner reluctantly lets you in, walk around looking at their displays. If they ask if they can help you, say you're just browsing
(o) Carry a hand-held mirror around with you. Point the mirror at strangers and ask 'How do I look?'
(o) Carry a wall-mirror around with you. Point the mirror at strangers and ask 'How do I look?'
(o) Bring a stuffed toy around with you. Sit in a park and whisper to it. Snicker and look evilly at passing strangers
(o) Taste-test a handful of grapes at a time
(o) Taste-test charity lollies at retail stores
(o) Taste-test packets of chips in convenient stores which you 'accidentally opened'
(o) Accidentally leave refrigerator doors open in convenient stores
(o) When you know you're in view of a surveillance camera in a large store, browse an aisle. Pick up hanging items. Make as though you can't find where to put them back. Rearrange the aisle. For an added effect, do the same to a whole row of the same item.
(o) Browse the toy aisle. Play with the toys on the floor. Accidentally lose them under the shelves.
(o) Puposefully go into convenient stores with 50c short of what you're going to need to pay for what you want to buy. Complain about inflation
(o) Buy food. Go to a park and sit on a bench next to someone. Chew noisily
(o) Always be the person to cough after a failed joke
(o) Laugh at dramatic scenes in a movie or play. Sit in silence at the funny parts
(o) In the presence of guests, sit in your lounge chair and pretend to drive. Include sound effects
(o) If you find yourself sitting next to someone in a cinema, ask questions irrelevant to the movie
(o) If you find yourself sitting next to someone in a cinema, ask questions about the movie. Turn back to the movie when they respond. Ask again
(o) Walk around frantically in the street and ask people for the time. Before they have the chance to respond, walk to another person. Target people in short sleeve t-shirts who obviously have no watch on

Yep, that's all. They work, trust me.

2003 JimSoft