JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> The Legend
Of Butt
By Nomad
Super Ally: How was your day?
Mrs Button: Well as it happens it wasn't too bad. It was pretty terrific, but my
day wasn't good. It was in fact quite bad, but perhaps the best day of my life.
You know, when you wake up with a mug of sand mixed with mud balanced between
your head and your surfboard, while you're riding that huge wave into the
sunset, and then wake up on the shore with sand in your eyes and sand in your
mouth. You know? Like, even right now I have sand in my eyes and hair and mouth,
because I brought a thermas of mud today, and it was quite brilliant when you
get up in the morning, and realise it's the afternoon, and you forget where you
wig went, and you wonder why you were trying to drink some and, and why you were
in particular trying to drink sand through your eyes, and why I woke up on a
beach. Even though I can't tell if it was actually a beach or just a sand dune,
or maybe a bath towel with a beach pattern on it, or maybe I just thought I was
surfing on a beach because my eyes were so full of sand and my mouth was so full
of sand, and my nostrils were so full of sand, and I have sand all over my, and
that would perhaps alter one's idea of where he or she was, and sand has
relevance to a beach-type place, so one would assume that someone who has been
digesting so much sand would think that they were at least in part sand or
having some sort of ideals or morals or fantasies to do with sand, taking into
consideration the fact that some poor folk who don't live in very coastal areas
or just live deeply inland may not have even seen sand. Ever. Even though I
think if you dig deep enough into the core of the earth or if you simply grind
some rocks or volcanic rock up, you'll probably end up with sand, so that the
inland people can also digest as much sand as they want, thus giving them the
sensation of waking up at the end of the day with getting knocked over by the
big wave. But that's another thing entirely. Depending upon the amount of water
you add, and how much you mix it, has a great effect on how you will feel about
it all, because if you add too much and mix it too much it will feel and look
like mud. I, in fact, like to get that surfboard beach feel that can only be
done by adding about a third as much sand as one originally had, and then adding
a third of water to that, a third of the four thirds of the sand amount, and
then you want some pretty corse sand, because you don't want to be creating mud
here, even though some people like the mud, but I'm more of a sand person
myself, and if you mix it a tiny bit, but not that much you will get the whole
beach thing going. But it all has to do with depth, even though some would
disagree entirely and ask me what depth is and I would say to them that depth is
the extent, measurement, or dimension downward, backward, or inward, and that
anyone who didn't know that was quite a dummy, and I don't mean to be mean about
that either, and I meant that people who don't know that like not the actual
words, but people who didn't know what depth is, because everyone should know
what depth is, but we're not taking into account the people who don't speak
English, because they probably have a different word for depth, which puts a
whole different spin on the conversation. And the other thing I was trying to
say was you know how a surfer might look after you've been stuck down by a wave
and you're all tired and worn-out, and you don't know what to do, or where you
are, or what you are talking about, or why you are talking about it, and that is
how I might actually feel at this very moment. But you've got to hand it to
those surfers who live their days on the edge. Meaning both on the edge of
waves, and inversely on the edge meaning a kind of risky and bold life. But, you
know, we all get through. Heh heh.
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2003 JimSoft