JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> Amazing
Experiments
By Nomad
So here's the plan… we get a giant ball made out of some kind of massive metal
alloy thingymajig, and make the ball hollow in a little round space in the
middle. And we make the walls of this containment really thick and hard, and we
even add scaffolding to the side, all sorts of groovy spider-web technology to
stop this thing from expanding or exploding. We also need to put some sort of
"pressure" thingy in there to increase the pressure, whatever that means,
because we must increase the pressure at some point in the procedure. Then, the
following step is to fill the entirety of the empty space with water. Now, it is
known that water cannot become hotter than 100 degrees celsius, because it turns
into steam. BUT, according to my calculations (or lack there of), with my
impossible invention, and lotsa pressure, we can make some really hot water,
without it turning into steam! Okay, so, the following step is to heat the water
to 1000 degrees, while increasing the pressure. Now, I shall repeat: It is
usually impossible to get water of a temperature over 100 degrees, but due to
the pressure and the stuff, it'd probably work. Okay, now, sources (voices in my
head) have told me that this really hot water would look just like water. The
only problem is it would be really hard to see for the following reasons:
a) It's basically impossible for it to even exist.
b) It has to be in a high-pressure confined thingo.
But hey! So, the next part is to put a smallish amount of the super-hot water
into a small metal flask. Now, in truth, the metal flask would need to be really
strong and stuff to be able to contain it, but let's just ignore physics for the
moment and continue on the presumption that it can be in a small metal flask.
The hard part is getting the super hot water from the pressure chamber thing
into the flask, but we'd simply use some sort of metamorphosis teleportation
star-trek device to get it in there (we can iron out the creases later). Okay,
now the final stage of the experiment is to find some evil person (Saddam
Hussein, Osama bin Laden, Bill Cosby, etc.), and to open the flask and pour it
onto the recipient's arm or something. Now, if we defied the laws of physics
again, it would like.. melt their arm off. And that'd be hilarious. And trust
me, the arm would definitely melt, since not even hot magma is 1000 degrees.
But of course it wouldn't happen. The moment we open the flask (which is
breaching 50 billion laws of physics already by this point) the liquid will all
instantly evaporate or explode, or more likely the entire flask will explode in
the hand, or melt, but whatever the outcome it will be painful and most likely
hilariously fatal for anyone in the room. What.
So there you have it. That's just some basic stuff. Now, if you want something
slightly more advanced for those of you who did the first experiment with your
eyes blindfolded behind your back, you can do my second idea. This involves
getting a medium amount of steel, which is (I think) an alloy of tin and iron.
Okay, the next step is to make it really really hot, and it may or may not need
some sort of containment and pressure adjuster like the idea above, who knows?
According to an associate of mine, since it's an alloy, it's basically
impossible to melt it, let alone turn it into a gas, so the idea is to turn it
into a gas. You might need the heat of 1 or 2 suns/stars (same diff) to get that
happening. Once you make some steel-gas, you can do 1 of two things.
a) Stare at it and go "wwooaahhh! Steel in GAS form! I can spray it on someone's
face and then their face will melt off, and also the steel will congeal and make
a satirical mask of the melted remains of the recipient's face for the kids.
b) You could try to pour it onto someone's arm, even though the whole room would
explode.
Well there you have it. So have fun kids. Have fun with the amazing world of
science.
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2003 JimSoft