JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> Upwards
By Nomad

There once was a sandwich. Not any ordinary sandwich. It was a salad sandwich. Oh yes! Salad. This sandwich was eaten. Eaten by someone who's name is not known. But it was eaten.

"Let me get that for you" said the waiter.
He reached down a picked up the fork, and placed it on the table. David looked up with disgust.
"I want a new fork!" David shouted "That one has been soiled by the ground! You expect me to eat my jam sandwich with that fork, knowing that it has been on that foul-smelling carpet?"
The waiter looked him in the eye and said "Look, sonny Jim. I spend at least 2 minutes vacuuming that carpet every night! That carpet it neither foul, not foul-smelling. Now, you shall accept the fork, or you shall leave."
David stood up and kept going up.
He just flew upwards through the air. He wasn't doing it on purpose. His face had a look of utter horror on it, and his arms and legs were flailing about. He gain speed, and keep going upwards towards the glass roof of the plaza. All the usual sound had stopped, and most people were frozen, staring at David.
SMASH! He went through the glass. And kept going. People moved towards the center of the plaza to watch him. He was moving faster and faster, and got smaller and smaller. A few minutes later he was just a dot in the distance, and then he was gone.

The silence was broken as the muttering of the crowd began. People talking about what had just happened, a few mad old men standing on their tables, rambling about 'the lord' and that 'the end was nigh'. A few young drugged teenagers were just laughing. The waiter, on the other hand, didn't know whether to smirk or laugh. He decided to just stand with a blank expression, and then he made a conversation with one of the other waiters, about who was going to pay off his tab.

"This has changed everything!" screamed the president. "Not only did this 'guy' go against all laws of physics, but he seriously disturbed and scared the entire world. This is all over the TV, and everyone is freaking out! I say, we should just get him, throw him in jail-"
"Mr. President?" enquired Peeves.
"Quiet Peeves! I'm trying to think!" snorted the president. "As I was saying, we find him throw him in jail, and then burn down his-"
"He's dead." said Peeves.
"Look, I warned you about....wait... did you say... he's dead?"
"Yes. They found him out in the middle of a paddock in North Hampshire."
"How did he get there?" enquired the president.
"Well, we think he just landed there... but it's very strange.."
"What's strange? Peeves, i've warned you about with holding information!"
"I was trying to tell you! As I was saying, it's very strange because there wasn't one broken bone in his body."
"Then..." stuttered the president "...how did he die?"
"Jam and bread." replied Peeves
"A jam and bread sandwich. He choked on it. That was the cause of death."

"I'm coming, i'm coming.." said the waiter.
He opened his door.
"Hello, I am agent McNeal, and this is agent Maxwise, and we wanted to ask you a few questions."
The waiter looked down. He was wearing fluffy bunny slippers, and a bath towel. He'd done it again.
"Ahhh... one moment." he closed the door, ran off, put some clothes on and came back to the door. "Come in, come in. I'm guessing this is about David, and the 'flying up through the roof' thing".
"Yes. Yes it is." replied Agent McNeal, as they walked into his lounge room.
"Make yourself at home" said the waiter. "I'll put the kettle on. Just take a seat there."
The waiter (his name was actually Kevin) went into his kitchen, and heard a loud crashing sound. He ran back into his lounge, and the agents were gone. A chunk of plaster fell to the floor. He looked upwards. There were two 'agent sized' holes in the roof. It seemed that they had gone up.
"Oh great. First my gold fish, then David, and now two FBI agents. What next..."
He heard a crash in his bedroom. He walked in and noticed his cactus was gone from his coffee table. Some more plaster fell downwards.
"Oh great... now i'm probably going to be shot.

"A cactus? A goldfish?" screeched the President.
"Yes." replied Peeves. "And 2 FBI agents."
"All in this paddock in New Hampshire?"
"Yes." replied Peeves. "We believe it is Kevid Hartok who is causing all this."
"Kevin who?"
"Kevin Harton" repeated Peeves. "The waiter at the resturant, where the first incident occured."
"Well find him and shoot him."
"One step ahead of ya." replied Peeves. "We sent a SWAT team to his house for that purpose. But he was gone."
"Gone?" questioned the president.
"Gone." confirmed Peeves.

"I'll have to keep a low profile" thought Kevin. He slung his backback over his shoulder, fastened his really big raincoat, and then put on his baseball cap, and some elvis-style glasses. He took the elevator down to the bottom floor, and a guy dressed in black with a big gun ran toward him.
"Get out of here! Now! You'll ruin this whole operation! We're trying to capture a wanted criminal here! Quick! Get out of here! Run!"
So, Kevin ran out the door, the entire SWAT team, and about 12 janitors shot up through the roof. He ran out and around the corner, and then calmed himself. He was about to head towards the distant mountains, but a TV caught his eye. He looked in through the shop window. It was a big picture of himself. Then it went back to the reporter:
"I am here live, in a paddock, in New Hampshire. A plethoran of people have been found here, because of Kevin. They seem to fly up through the air, and then they end up here.... Oh, here come some more." Behind the reporter a swat team and 12 janitors landed, or rather, flumped behind her, into the grass. At a great speed. All of them stood up, brushed the grass off themselves and then wandered off, wondering how they would afford their plane tickets home.
"Everyone found here has survived, except two" continued the reporter. "A goldfish and David Kolenski were found dead. Over to you, Rob."
"That's it!" thought Kevin. "I must go to the field in New Hampshire. I'm not sure why, but I must."
And he knew just the way to get there. He ran across the street towards a random person (who happened to be a police officer), and grabbed onto his ankle.

"This is getting out of hand" grumbled the President.
"Yes..." agreed Peeves.

The police officer landed in the field. He got up and looked around. There were a few helicopters, a few farmers, and a few news reporters. Where was that guy that had grabbed onto his ankle?
The policeman jogged off, and mingled with the crowd, and then pretended he was there for a valid reason, to avoid embarrassment.

Kevin stood up and look around. He was in some strange warehouse. As he stood up, he heard a low rumble, and two big metalic doors started to grind open. When they were fully open, a big man wearing white, with a long beard walked in. He stood next to Kevin. Then, he drew a deep breath, pointed his finger at him, and said "Ha!"

He then took a salad sandwich out of his pocket, and ate it.

2003 JimSoft