JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> The Party
By Lemur

I was at this party see, it really rocked. Hot chicks, cold beer and three large bottles of alcohol to consume with vigor. But it all went wrong about 4pm when my dog bit my head off. You see, I am a breed of superhuman. ‘Superhuman dog head bite off without resulting in death’ is what they call me. It all happened so quickly, I was sitting there with an empty bottle of Jim Beam and a smashed bottle of port by my side when suddenly I drifted to sleep My mind said “SHEEP LIKE SUBSTANCES! WE HAVE GONE TO SLEEP!! OUR HEAD MUST HAVE BEEN BITTEN OFF BY OUR DOG!” of course my mind loves the caps lock key so dearly I’d dare not inform it of the annoying and not to mention grammatical problems it throws up by talking like that. Anyhow, so my mind is now convinced my head has been eaten by a dog, not just any dog mind you, my dog. ARG! I am being digested! I dreamed to myself. I pictured my head inside the dog, looking at all the stuff the dog ate in its stomach and saying to myself “Don’t dogs spend half their day licking their genitals and sniffing other dogs butt’s? With that though my stomach turned over, don’t tell me how I knew this as at this stage my head was of couse a decapitated being in a dogs stomach. So I felt my stomach turn over and I thought “Oww I am going to be sick” which is also hard when your just a head. But thankfully I had to postpone being sick as the dog was now too. I found myself lying in a pile of dog vomit. The party watched in awe as I spoke to them.

“Hey” I said.

“Hey! ‘Superhuman dog head bite off without resulting in death’ guy” one said.

I immediately vowed such a name was disgusting, derogatory, vile and just had to be my new moniker.

“Err, yeah, that’s me, Hows yourself?” I said.

“Great man, wanna beer?” he replied.

“Nah, I am cool mate, especially seeing I don’t have a stomach or anything, you know” I said.

“Shit! Your just a head aren’t you!” he exclaimed.

“Why yes, yes I am, isn’t that why you called me ‘Superhuman dog head bite off without resulting in death’ guy before?” I enquired.

“Nah, just thought it was catchy mate” he said drunkenly.

“Okay then” I said sarcastically.

“Can someone give me a lift home? I don’t think I am in a fit state to drive at the moment” I joked. “Okay Man” I heard from the back of the room.

“YAY!!!” I screamed “U DA MAN!” I said emphasizing U to be a letter not a word.

“No worries Champ” he said

And with that I left the party, admittedly I was in a bowling ball bag, but it was an expensive bowling ball bag!

For the conclusion to ‘Superhuman dog head bite off without resulting in death’ guy’s adventures tune in next time for the next episode we will never write unless the popularity soars so much it ensures we are all able to buy yahcts and other fancy boats we will never use. Farewell faithful reader.

© 2003 JimSoft