JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories ->
Cledmo
By CrazyJim, Lemur and Tobes
Cledmo was staring into the distance. Little did he know what lay just around
the corner, metaphorically. He soon found out, as a cat jumped at his forehead.
The cat hit his forehead, like a small asteroid hitting the sun, because Cledmo,
had a large forehead.
It was from behind this forehead that Cledmo made a desicion that would change
his life! A desicion that would change everyone's life. He rubbed his 2 brain
cells together and decided to rob a bank! However, a bit of brain cell friction
is often difficult to translate into an action. So for three days, Cledmo put
the plan to the back of his mind, so to speak, and stared at the white screen on
his TV for three full days, taking a break only to yell "Yeeehaaaw!" or "Action
sequence!!" when a horizontal line interrupted the serene image before him.
Then something occured to him. And with that occursion, he got a screw driver,
opened up his vcr, removed the rats, and plugged the vcr into the tv. He had
just made the biggest mistake of his life. All he heard was "Welcome back to
Burgo's Pass the BUCK!" and then he was unconcious. Slowly explaining he only
has 2 brain cells and that grammar and spelling in stories about him was bound
to be comprimised Cledmo picked up his VCR and ripped its cord from the wall. He
spray painted the word "Gun" on it and set off ready to rob the local bank.
Finger on the eject button he walked up to the teller and said. "I'd like to
have this appraised." The teller said to him, "I'm afraid we don't... appraise
things here... I think you're looking for Cash Converters... this is a bank."
Cledmo opened his mouth to say something else, but something else stopped him.
"Not so fast, Cledmo" said a familiar voice from behind. He swung his huge
forehead around, and saw Burgo, standing there in a cape. "I'm going to put you
behind bars" Burgo spluttered.
"Ummm.." said Cledmo "errr, I hadn't started robbing the bank yet".
"Oh... crap... sorry" said Burgo, as he backed out through the sliding doors
Cledmo laughed at the popular Australian game show host and turned back to the
teller where he said "So whats it worth" where he was bitchslapped and told
again it was a bank. He then remembered his real motive for coming to the bank
and said "This is a "Gun" and I'll eject this video tape from it if you don't
give me all the money in that trash can", he said pointing at a payphone
"I'm afraid I don't have a key for that... bin... are you sure you wouldn't
rather a lollypop instead?"
Cledmo looked at the teller, looked at the payphone, and looked back at the
teller, this time noticing a lollypop in his hand.
Slowly, several things added up in his head, and since he wasn't very good at
addition, he dived behind one of the big shiny desks. "Don't shoot!" he cried.
"Sir" the teller replied "it's just a-"
But his voice was cancelled out by the sound of a generator starting as Cledmo
attempted to get his vcr working.
The force of the ejection wasn't everything Cledmo had anticipated. The tape
slurred out of the machine like words from the mouth of someone who had drunk
too much alcohol and felt the need to tell a lamp post a story. Cledmo made the
best of a bad situation and threw the tape at the attendant. Cledmo again forgot
what he was doing and asked the attendant how much a copy of "Hardcore girl" was
to rent
Confused, the teller walked over to Cledmo. Cledmo backed up, portraying a
defensive stance and wielding his weapon of choice in front of him, "Stand back!
I have a ... a ..." he began weeping, "I... I ... I can't remember what it is!"
The teller looked back to a policeman who had just walked in, a partially
concerned, partially amused look transferring between them. He turned back to
Cledmo and patted him on the head.
"Cledmo, Cledmo, Cledmo" he sighed. "Hmmm... I believe there are free rocks out
there on the road"
The policeman winked at the teller, and Cledmo ran out the sliding doors with a
look of astonishment and enthusiasm on his face. But suddenly got distracted by
a large shiny thing stuck to the sole of his foot. He bent over to look at the
bottom of his foot when he got distracted by the fact his house was on fire. "My
house!" he spasmed. "Noooooooooooo" he screamed, Suddenly Headmo felt great
relief as he realised it wasn't his house that was on fire, it was only his
foot. Suddenly realising the danger he was in he smiled.
"How cute," he spoke, "It thinks it's people."
Suddenly, something clicked. "I should talk to that lady!"
Cledmo walked over to a garden gnome he spotted across the road in a small park
garden. He knealt down and began conversing.
A few days later, he stood up, brushed the moss and spiderwebs off, said goodbye
to the garden gnome, picked up the burnt remains of his lower leg, and started
walking in the direction of his forehead.
Headmo found his forehead quickly, but something bigger alarmed him, Something
of upmost importance, something that could define the life of the world,
something so critical he had to stand up and shout it "SO WHATS MY DAMN VCR
WORTH ANYWAY???"
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2003 JimSoft