JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> Cledmo
By CrazyJim, Lemur and Tobes

Cledmo was staring into the distance. Little did he know what lay just around the corner, metaphorically. He soon found out, as a cat jumped at his forehead. The cat hit his forehead, like a small asteroid hitting the sun, because Cledmo, had a large forehead.

It was from behind this forehead that Cledmo made a desicion that would change his life! A desicion that would change everyone's life. He rubbed his 2 brain cells together and decided to rob a bank! However, a bit of brain cell friction is often difficult to translate into an action. So for three days, Cledmo put the plan to the back of his mind, so to speak, and stared at the white screen on his TV for three full days, taking a break only to yell "Yeeehaaaw!" or "Action sequence!!" when a horizontal line interrupted the serene image before him.

Then something occured to him. And with that occursion, he got a screw driver, opened up his vcr, removed the rats, and plugged the vcr into the tv. He had just made the biggest mistake of his life. All he heard was "Welcome back to Burgo's Pass the BUCK!" and then he was unconcious. Slowly explaining he only has 2 brain cells and that grammar and spelling in stories about him was bound to be comprimised Cledmo picked up his VCR and ripped its cord from the wall. He spray painted the word "Gun" on it and set off ready to rob the local bank. Finger on the eject button he walked up to the teller and said. "I'd like to have this appraised." The teller said to him, "I'm afraid we don't... appraise things here... I think you're looking for Cash Converters... this is a bank."

Cledmo opened his mouth to say something else, but something else stopped him.

"Not so fast, Cledmo" said a familiar voice from behind. He swung his huge forehead around, and saw Burgo, standing there in a cape. "I'm going to put you behind bars" Burgo spluttered.

"Ummm.." said Cledmo "errr, I hadn't started robbing the bank yet".

"Oh... crap... sorry" said Burgo, as he backed out through the sliding doors

Cledmo laughed at the popular Australian game show host and turned back to the teller where he said "So whats it worth" where he was bitchslapped and told again it was a bank. He then remembered his real motive for coming to the bank and said "This is a "Gun" and I'll eject this video tape from it if you don't give me all the money in that trash can", he said pointing at a payphone

"I'm afraid I don't have a key for that... bin... are you sure you wouldn't rather a lollypop instead?"

Cledmo looked at the teller, looked at the payphone, and looked back at the teller, this time noticing a lollypop in his hand.

Slowly, several things added up in his head, and since he wasn't very good at addition, he dived behind one of the big shiny desks. "Don't shoot!" he cried.
"Sir" the teller replied "it's just a-"

But his voice was cancelled out by the sound of a generator starting as Cledmo attempted to get his vcr working.

The force of the ejection wasn't everything Cledmo had anticipated. The tape slurred out of the machine like words from the mouth of someone who had drunk too much alcohol and felt the need to tell a lamp post a story. Cledmo made the best of a bad situation and threw the tape at the attendant. Cledmo again forgot what he was doing and asked the attendant how much a copy of "Hardcore girl" was to rent

Confused, the teller walked over to Cledmo. Cledmo backed up, portraying a defensive stance and wielding his weapon of choice in front of him, "Stand back! I have a ... a ..." he began weeping, "I... I ... I can't remember what it is!"

The teller looked back to a policeman who had just walked in, a partially concerned, partially amused look transferring between them. He turned back to Cledmo and patted him on the head.

"Cledmo, Cledmo, Cledmo" he sighed. "Hmmm... I believe there are free rocks out there on the road"

The policeman winked at the teller, and Cledmo ran out the sliding doors with a look of astonishment and enthusiasm on his face. But suddenly got distracted by a large shiny thing stuck to the sole of his foot. He bent over to look at the bottom of his foot when he got distracted by the fact his house was on fire. "My house!" he spasmed. "Noooooooooooo" he screamed, Suddenly Headmo felt great relief as he realised it wasn't his house that was on fire, it was only his foot. Suddenly realising the danger he was in he smiled.

"How cute," he spoke, "It thinks it's people."

Suddenly, something clicked. "I should talk to that lady!"

Cledmo walked over to a garden gnome he spotted across the road in a small park garden. He knealt down and began conversing.

A few days later, he stood up, brushed the moss and spiderwebs off, said goodbye to the garden gnome, picked up the burnt remains of his lower leg, and started walking in the direction of his forehead.

Headmo found his forehead quickly, but something bigger alarmed him, Something of upmost importance, something that could define the life of the world, something so critical he had to stand up and shout it "SO WHATS MY DAMN VCR WORTH ANYWAY???"

© 2003 JimSoft