JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> Hand Latching Onto Stuff
By CrazyJim

I was stuck. For three whole days, my hand latched itself to the pole outside the local mall. Into the seven and a halfth hour, I realised something. There were people there. For a fleeting moment, I spotted an opportunity to get help. I walked toward a guy who had just closed his car door. As I approached him, I realised he was on the inside of the car. I also realised my hand had unlatched itself from the pole. Finally, I realised it had latched itself to the car door.

The guy wound down the window, and asked, “Can I help you?”

“I’ll be fine,” I responded.

“Would you mind letting go of my—what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to touch my ear with the pinkie toe on my left foot.”

“Ok… would you mind doing it… over there?” I looked where he was pointing and spotted a white line located in the middle of a strip of black stones.

I giggled and ran at the line. I sat on it and continued trying to touch my ear with my pinkie toe on my left foot. In front of me I spotted a small crowd of strangers. This didn’t bother me, as the only people I had seen all day were strangers… except for the old man whose car I stepped in front of last month… and the month before that.

One of the strangers pulled something from a handbag. I immediately recognised the device. It looked much like a strange black box thing with a big window on top of it that I found in my next door neighbour’s kitchen sink after I put it there from his cupboard where I found it, that went click, made a buzzing noise and hurt my eyes when I pressed the button.

My hand made me run over to it so it could latch on to it. Unfortunately for it, the stranger had already made the device go click and make a buzzing noise and hurt my eyes in only the two minutes it took me to remember what it was. Also unfortunately, a car was headed in my direction. It was approaching fast. I squinted to make out what colour it was, and it continued to come closer.

By this time, people were looking rather worried, staring in my direction. I wondered what they were so stressed about. I waved to them to try to cheer them up.

A noise came from my left and my arm and leg, my third from the bottom left rib and my right nostril began to hurt. I was standing horizontally, face down on the sidewalk near a park bench. Something must have cheered the people up, as they didn’t look worried any more—they were laughing.

My assorted body parts didn’t hurt any more, and the car had disappeared. I started to remember the circumstances surrounding my situation:

I left my house early that morning. As I passed the house three houses away from my house, I forgot where I was. I remembered that I had been out for three days and that I was heading somewhere. I continued walking and soon I found myself at the mall. I ran over and grabbed the pole. It didn’t look like a pole. It was shaped like a candy cane. I attempted to bite it. A strange man, sitting on a park bench, to which the candy-cane-like pole was attached, made his hand into a funny shape and made it go toward me fast. This made me fall asleep on the bench. I then dreamt having my hand attached to a pole, walking to some guy’s car, sitting on the white line in the middle of a strip of black stones trying to touch my ear with my pinkie toe, spotting the stranger with the device shaped like the black box that went click, made a buzzing noise and hurt my eyes when I pressed the button that I found in my neighbour’s kitchen sink after I put it there from his cupboard where I found it and then almost being hit by the car.

I realised something. I never did find out what colour the car was. I began to sob.

”I failed. I FAILED! I FAIL—” I spotted a guy who had just closed his car door. I figured I might go and get his autograph, now that he was famous from starring in my dream.

© 2003 JimSoft