JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> My Arm Is
Stuck In Your Handbag
I was sitting writing a troy called “My arm is stuck in your handbag” when I suddenly realized my spell checker hadn’t picked up ‘troy’ as a spelling mistake. I obviously meant to say story but didn’t. Anyhow, So I was and currently am sitting here writing a story called “My arm is stuck in your handbag” but it’s a “now” for me because its now, but a “was” for you because you won’t be reading this till after I finish it. You’re an exception if you’re the one’s who are spying on me, then it’s a “now” for you too. Also those psychic people, who can read stuff, if your channeling an invisible ghost (Much less scary and hassle than a visible one I assure you) who is reading this, you’re a “now” too.
So, I am writing this story. It’s a comical adventure about a man who whilst trying to steal bubble gum from a lady’s purse gets his hand stuck on a sticky glob of camel. CAMEL! It’s a bloody CAMEL! Outside my window, a bloody camel. Oh Shivers, Not a camel, anything but a camel, oh no. I’d best go investigate.
*Story accepts narrator, lets listen*
Our hero, well, not a hero, just some schmuck writing some crap comedy piece about a dufus who tries to steal bubble gum for stupid reason and expects to be called a hero… Anyhow, Our Schmuck, tentatively creeps along the passage toward the outside area of his house where the evil camel lurks.
*Second Narrator interrupts to congratulate first narrator on word choice*
Hey, first narrator, you’re a quite a wordsmith, let me call this bit and I’ll get your comments, I value the comments of a man like yourself.
*First narrator leaves in disgust*
*Second narrator gets upset*
Hey, Where did he go? I loved him, I loved him. Nothing like sex with a narrator to make you feel like a woman.
*First narrator returns when offered sex*
Hey, I am back, I really like sex!
*Story picked up by Author who has returned from camel hunt*
So anyhow, that’s how I defeated that camel, it sure wasn’t easy, and I am sure what those narrators said really enthused the situation, the struggle, the torture, the nudity and the drug dealing. In fact, I’d say it was one of the greatest tales of all time! So next time you encounter a camel on cocaine who wants to take off your pants, just do what I did…
© 2001 by Ian L. Montgomery (Lemur/Monty)