JimSoft Insanitarium -> Insane Stories -> Nothing
By CrazyJim

I had an annoying writers block so I decided I’d try to start typing and let the words fall into place to make a completely nonsensical string of words. Unfortunately, I couldn’t type as I had lost my fingers in an incident involving a hungry pedestrian and my insistence that he talk to my newly found finger puppets.

I gave up on the typing idea and began talking to my reflection. This was also a failure, as I didn’t have a mirror at the time. I had sent it with an elf I spotted in my backyard to be repaired about a year ago. I didn’t remember it too well, because there were a lot of alcohol bottles lying around which stole my attention periodically, dancing to some music which was coming from a harp-playing calculator on my doorstep.

I retreated to the corner of my yard and started arguing with a blade of grass. Eventually, my lawn outnumbered me and I couldn’t counter their arguments anymore so I stepped on them. They used my inability to stay standing for more than ten seconds to their advantage. I fell over and they began to latch on to me. I screamed and screamed, but after the entire neighbourhood erupted in voices complaining very quietly about my screaming, I continued. The voices started telling each other to shut up and I continued screaming.

Then I woke up. This wasn’t quite physically possible, as I wasn’t asleep in the first place, so I went back to sleep.

© 2003 JimSoft